15 Celebrity New Year’s Resolutions That Will Probably Not Happen
The top New Years resolution last year was to lose weight, followed by getting organized and spending less. This was based on a journal by the University of Scranton. But what about the resolution to have more fun? The time for following through with resolutions is now. The year 2015 has been declared the Year of the Sheep according to Chinese zodiacs. Sheep produce lambs. Lambs are featured in the movie “Silence of the Lambs.” That movie has lotion in it. It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again. Check out which celebrities made the same New Year’s resolution as you.
Mark Zuckerberg made a New Year’s resolution to create a book club and read one book every other week for 12 months. He’s going to become the new Oprah’s book club, just picture it! “I’m excited for my reading challenge. I’ve found reading books very intellectually fulfilling. Books allow you to fully explore a topic and immerse yourself in a deeper way than most media today,” said Zuckerberg. Watch those timelines blow up with reading material.
Iggy Azalea will probably make a resolution to be more fancy, right? “I’m gonna make more of an effort to take care of myself in 2015, stay away from all the drama & hopefully not have any flair ups,” tweeted Azalea. Flair ups do get pretty painful, especially around the pollen season. Invest in a good allergen medicine and stay indoors, Iggy! Don’t go to the middle of Miami with no money and no family like in your song “Work.”
Dave Grohl plans to workout this year! “I’d put fitness in there. Yeah, this is the year,” said Grohl in an ET interview. His band The Foo Fighters is promoting their latest album Sonic Highways. It looks like he’ll be driving down the highways of cardio and possibly protein shakes! They should make a Foo Fighters video game with Foo Fighters fitness levels and downloadable content in the theme of Wii Fit and Mario Kart.
Sam Smith wants to be a little more heartbroken this year. “My New Year’s resolution is to find a man so I can get dumped, and then write a new record about the pain,” said Smith. Hey, that sounds like how Adele wrote her record-breaking album “21.” With her level of success, who can blame him? Bring on the smashing sequel to “Stay With Me.” Or team up with Adele! That would be world-shattering.
Rex Ryan has a potty mouth problem. The New York Jets coach said, “I’m trying not to cuss. That’s it. I don’t cuss in front of reporters. I just cuss on the field sometimes.” He should watch the “Simpsons” episode where Marge suggests Homer put a quarter in a swear jar for every swear. Homer ended up stepping on a nail and said, “Fiddle dee dee, this will require a tetanus shot.” Bring on the swear jar!
Diane von Furstenberg will dust off the yoga mat and practice her downward dog pose. She said she will “take a little bit more of myself and go back to yoga in a big way.” The trend known as Voga would be perfect for her. It uses the art of voguing and mixes it with yoga. Diane recently had her own reality show called “House of DVF” in which she said you don’t have to be a b-word to win a prize.
Don’t worry, be happy. That’s partially what Victoria’s Secret model Shanina Shaik has made as her 2015 resolution. She said she wants to remain herself, remain humble, work hard and just be happy and healthy. She put all the rumors to rest with her ice cream date accompanied by boyfriend Tyson Beckford. Ice cream really does make you happy and healthy! It’s chock full of necessary calories and addictive properties.
Ryan Seacrest has plans for his dog and himself. “Next year I’m going to try to find my dog Ginger a soulmate. And I’ve got to find one for myself. There’s a lot of work I’ve got to do. I know because I’ve lived with me,” said Seacrest. He needs a matchmaking service for dogs. I smell a money-making opportunity for a mobile app! Use your E! Channel connections to gather some investors because you got a goldmine, Seacrest.
Maybe there’s a mobile app to help out Elizabeth Hurley and her sleeping patterns. “Every year, top of my list of new year’s resolutions is eat more healthy, more exercise and go to bed early,” said Hurley. It could play the theme song for “Austin Powers” at the stroke of 8 p.m. to signal her to go to bed! Just don’t drink any caffeine and stay away from the glow of electronics before bedtime, Elizabeth!
It’s hard enough to run your life, but imagine somebody else running it! Jennifer Hudson said, “Ain’t nbody running my life this year based off their so called self-entitlement, that’s my new year’s resolution.” Wait a minute. Who is going up to Jennifer Hudson and saying, “I’m self-entitled. Let me run your life?” They must be out of their mind. Stay strong, Jennifer. Another Academy Award is waiting for you around the corner.
Kendra Wilkinson tweeted about her physical goals. “Staring my New Year resolution today! I will have the body of my dreams by my 30th bday which is June 12th,” she said. It’s anybody’s guess what workout she’ll be seen using on the next episode of her reality show. Classicalite also reported that she was rumored to have started drinking heavily. That’s not how you get a dream body unless your dream is to be a beer belly!
Nick Jonas is planning to “still get jealous” in another language! “My New Year’s resolution this year is to learn how to speak Spanish. That’s a big goal, so we will see if I get to that. Un poquito?” The main thing to remember is subject-verb agreement! You can’t have an articulate sentence without everybody agreeing. Whip out the Pimsleur audiobooks and Rosetta Stone because language learning is a mountain of work.
This is it. The Pokemon moment we’ve been waiting for. Get those Ultra Pokeballs ready. The evolution of a celebrity is upon us. Shailene Woodley has gained enough experience points to advance to the next level. “I’m not a new year’s resolution person. I’m a new year’s evolution person. You don’t need to fix anything just keep evolving it,” said Woodley. Woodley has evolved to Mega Charizard! So long, Pikachu.
Be kind. That’s all that Adam Levine asks of you. “My New years resolution is to address and combat the hideous way people treat each other via social media. Please, be kinder to each other,” tweeted Levine. Yes, social media is a place where angels fear to tread. But this is strange coming from a man who is preying on you tonight to hunt you down and eat you alive just like animals.
Even celebs can’t pry their hands off the phone. It’s a common addiction that will take over. Jason Schwartzman said it all. “They might seem phony, but they’re true. One is to sit down less, and the second is to not have my phone in sight all of the time. I feel like it’s always out. I think I can do a better job of putting it away – it’s distracting,” said the comedian. Snapchat or nah, Schwartzman!